Wednesday 19 February 2014

In praise of the Cling-on Phase

After coming out of the Mother & Baby Unit with my son aged about 3 months, I figured that he didn't really notice whether his nappy-changer was me/daddy/granny/some random stranger grandma had passed him over to in the park (yes, this did once happen)... He didn't really care, as long as his bum was cleaned and it was swiftly followed by a bottle of the good stuff.

This had its advantages, sure - I could take leisurely showers, I could switch off from being "mummy" from time to time.  But to be met with such indifference from him left me aching with insecurities. Did my little baby love me? Need me?

Well, fast forward six short months and I really need not have worried.  My son has worked out who I am and as his full time SaHM turns out this is a big deal! For the last few weeks I have attempted to drop him off at a church-run crèche, so I can attend their Alpha course.  He has not lasted 10 mins before the staff have had to phone me to come and collect him - still screaming, struggling to breathe, snot running down his red face.  We are persevering (today was a better day), as he needs to learn to trust that mummy is always going to come back when she says she will.  And one day (he's 15 months now), he will have to do a couple of mornings at nursery, then progress to pre-school.

But this crèche episode has shown me just how much my baby still needs me. Not just any loving adult (and goodness knows he has many in his life), but me.  Sometimes only a mummy cuddle will do.  And after the start in life we had (hospitals, psychiatric units, more on which another time), this feels so nice.

I hope he grows out of this phase, in time for me to devote more of my energies to the business - but I will ALWAYS be grateful for the Cling-on Phase. 

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